Overcoming Guilt in the Assisted Living Transition

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that 37.1 million people, or 14% of the population, provide unpaid eldercare. You, like many caretakers, may consider assisted living when it becomes too much.

You have discussed the matter with your parents and the rest of the family. You've arranged all their affairs and picked the perfect community, but what about overcoming guilt?

There's commonly a sense of guilt that comes with adjusting to assisted living -- like you're letting your loved ones down.

Making senior care decisions can be difficult. You shouldn't be burdened with persistent guilt, also.

Keep reading to learn how to overcome caregiver guilt. We'll discuss caregiver burnout when to identify when it's time for assisted living, and how to let go of guilt.

What Is Caregiver Burnout?

Caregiver burnout happens when a caregiver has reached their mental, physical, and emotional limit. It occurs when someone has given too much time and energy to caring for another person.

Note that caregiver burnout doesn't necessarily only happen to people whose loved ones are ill.

It happens when people reach an emotional, physical, and mental nadir. An older adult can be independent and still need plenty of help, which can be a lot for other adults with their own full lives.

Burnout is often the result of caregivers not getting the help and support they need. An example is if a now elderly couple has five adult children, and only one puts in effort to help and look after their needs.

Perhaps an elderly man has only one child, and no other family to help in his later years. Whatever the case, these people are prone to burnout. Signs of caregiver burnout include:

Withdrawing from family and friends
Feeling tired, stressed, depressed, anxious
Feeling hopeless, helpless, or blue
Immunodeficiency (getting sick more often)
Feeling constantly crowed (like you can't have alone time)
Changes in appetite, weight, or both
Overuse of alcohol or sleep medications

Burnout negatively impacts people's finances, physical health, and social lives. You can't relieve caregiver burnout unless you change the circumstances that led there.

Caregiver Burnout and Assisted Living

Caregiver burnout can be alleviated by taking breaks and seeking help. However, there are situations where the problem comes from an inability to continue providing care.

People may reach an emotional limit they can't recover from unless they consider assisted living. If someone can't handle caregiving themselves, it's best to leave it to people who can.

Sometimes, caretaking requires objectivity. People trained to look after the elderly may be able to do it better and without the intense attachment a child may have.

When Should You Consider Assisted Living?

Caregiver burnout is an instance of when to consider assisted living, but what are other examples? Below are other cases of when a person should decide to transfer their loved one to assisted living:

They're having issues with activities of daily living (ADLs)
- Toileting
- Walking
- Eating
- Grooming
- Bathing
They're withdrawing from social interactions, family, and friends
- It's harder to be social as we age
- People can't travel or move as easily
- Many of their peers may be moving or passing away
They're having medication management issues
- They're taking incorrect doses
- They're missing doses

Overcoming Guilt When Making Senior Care Decisions

You may logically understand that transferring to assisted living is good, but that doesn't remove the challenge of easing guilt in caregiving. You may still feel bad about your decision -- this is natural.

Feeling guilty is perfectly natural for such a huge life change. You still care for this person, regardless of any burnout. Acknowledge and live out your feelings.

Seek Support

Talking to friends and family can help you work through your guilty feelings. Therapy and emotional support for families, such as support groups, may help.

Focus On the Positive

Think of it this way: your loved one is safe and surrounded by their peers. There's professional, trained staff that can take care of them. You and your parents can have peace of mind about the new locale.

You may also want to use this opportunity to recover from any burnout. Rest, heal, and release feelings of doubt or resentment.

Putting your loved ones in an assisted living community also frees up your time while allowing them the best possible care. You can focus on spending time together instead of caregiving.

Maintain Quality Time

Visit often and find things to do with each other. Ideally, you can still do the activities you did when your loved ones lived at home. If not, try activities available in the community.

Keep Open Communication

Stay in contact with the community staff so you'll know what's happening with your parents or if there's ever an emergency. It'll also help to speak to your parents regularly.

You can talk about how they're fitting in, which can aid with overcoming guilt. Knowing your parents are okay will help you realize you made the right decision.

Be Realistic

Adjusting to assisted living may not be easy for you or your parents. You've got caregiver guilt, and they have to deal with moving away from their home and family.

It's going to take time for everyone to adapt. Don't unnecessarily pressure your loved ones or yourself. Acknowledge your feelings, talk them out, and let the adjustment happen naturally.

Important Things to Remember

Remember that it's not your fault. Sometimes, assisted living is the best choice for everyone. Making senior care decisions often comes with guilt, but that doesn't mean you're wrong.

Focus on your loved ones' needs and seek help if things get difficult. Therapy can be helpful when you're feeling overwhelmed.

Making the Difficult Choices a Little Easier

You can't circumvent feeling bad when it comes to transitioning to assisted living, but there are ways of overcoming guilt. Another way to relieve caregiver guilt is to find a great community for your parents.

Raincross at Riverside could be that community. We offer a variety of assisted living and memory care services, like help with ADLs, medication management, and individualized care plans.